You’ve probably heard the saying, ‘have no expectations and suffer no disappointment’. There is a lot of wisdom in that nugget. For me, it’s about detaching from expectations, which often set me up for disappointment. If I expect nothing and get something, well then I’m already winning. Conversely, if I expect much and get nothing, I’m losing all the way.
What a difference the sprinkling of letters at the end of a word can make.
Expectancy fuels hope
When you’re expectant, every part of you is anticipating something good. You become ready to receive the good things that are meant for you, and you’re open to embracing opportunities that are presented to you. You’re in a constant state of readiness. An open state that recognises how blessed you are and is hopeful of a future that will bring with it things that help you grow.
Expectancy is not idleness. Rather, it is the process of preparing your patch, ensuring it is as fertile as possible to nurture growth and ultimately allow you to harvest good produce. When you’re expectant, you’re actively living your life in the best way and positioning yourself for the best outcome. It requires effort, a positive mindset and a clear vision.
Expectation ends in disappointment
We live in a society that has become incredibly entitled and is riddled with unrealistic expectations. Instant gratification has become the default setting, and when things don’t go the way expected, people tend to lose it.
When your food is fast, content is instant, and entertainment is free-flowing, your appreciation starts to tank quickly. You begin to want more and want it more quickly. You forget about the process and focus on the outcome. If the result is too slow or not what you expected, toys get thrown out of the got as you have your little tantrum.
You begin to put in less effort but expect bigger results. You don’t want to work, but you expect to get paid. Not just paid, but paid handsomely for simply existing. Never in all of history have we been as privileged as we are now. We have access to the most incredible things that we simply take for granted. Yet with all that we have, we still want more because we expect more. If others have it, we should have it also. We don’t care if they worked for it or not. We don’t see the hard slog; we just see the success story and expect the same result to happen instantaneously. When did we become so covetous and so entitled?
Expectancy benefits from detachment
When you are detached from preconceptions. When you have let go of how you expect things must go. Then you can position yourself to be expectant, ready for what comes. Often things don’t go exactly as planned and rarely as expected, but if we remain open, we may just be blown away at what does arrive.
Detachment is a principle and a process that can be applied deeply. We are interconnected beings, and our lives are made up of several facets. Like it or not, everything we are and everything we have is temporary. We live on borrowed time, using borrowed resources on a borrowed home we call Earth. When you delve deeper, you realise there is very little at all, if anything, that we truly own.
The idea of detachment and the way to become detached from things, both physical and emotional, is discussed in Jay Chetty’s book, Think Like a Monk. It’s worth the read.
Lessons in expectancy from the developing world
For those of us who have had the privilege of travelling to, or better yet, growing up in a developing nation, things hit slightly differently. We have seen both sides of the coin and realise that there are those out there who are doing it tough.
I was born and raised in South Africa, where I spent most of my sprightly years. Even though I was born to a lower-middle-class family, I witnessed gross inequality and severe poverty. Institutionalised racism constructed a divide so deep that few had hope of it changing, yet there are always the expectant ones… The dreamers, the hopers, the doers, the change makers. Transformation eventually came, the apartheid regime was overthrown, and a ‘free’ and democratic South Africa emerged.
On paper, all people in South Africa became equal, but you would be foolish to think that systemic racism like that would make everything good with a new president, a new flag and a new constitution.
The truth is that many previously disadvantaged families benefited, and the middle class swelled, but the majority became poorer, and as the population has grown, many remain in severe poverty. Homelessness, unemployment, lack of basic services, crime and corruption are rife. Yet in spite of all of the challenges, so many people remain hopeful, expectant of change. So many are grateful to receive even the tiniest sliver of kindness. They are open. Their smiles are genuine, and their hearts are pure. They have had to work very hard for the little they have. They know how the real world works.
You would think that the ones at the bottom end would have hardened hearts, severed consciences and a hopeless outlook. Surprisingly, these are some of the most beautiful people you will ever meet. They have unknowingly flipped the narrative and found a way to remain humble, kind and gracious. To top it all, they are filled with joy and gratitude. And if you’re keen for a laugh, they guys have the best sense of humour because they realise that laughing at life is an elixir.
Those with nothing take nothing for granted but appreciate everything.
Photo by Sam McNamara on Unsplash
